Grandchildren Presents

 I ordered some big stuffed animal pillows for the youngest three grandchildren.  The oldest one has a couple of giant stuffies already on her bed so I figured she did not need one of these.  Instead I got her a small stuffed lamb that is adorable.  I also picked up an egg dye kit for them to do.  I had to send a box anyway to get the sheep there.  Funny thing is Cassie got three of them body pillows.  Great minds thinking alike.

Chatting with Cassie and packing up the box reminded me of a memory.  Going way back to the first grandchild to cross my path...about 2004.  Easter came around and she came over to visit.  She wanted to know where her present was.  Wait...what?  We never gave her a present for Easter.  Easter is brunch and your parent/Easter Bunny gives you a basket.  I told her we didn't do that.  She informed me that her other grandparents did because they love her.  Now remember she is like five years-old.  Manipulate much?  Anyway it didn't work.  No gift for Easter or Valentine's Day or any other  holiday other than Christmas.  We spent a lot of time with her when it was allowed.  

Here is the thing.  My grandparents never got me presents either.  It doesn't have anything to do with love.  It was just the way it was. 

Almost twenty years later and I am sending gifts to my grandkids.  I can rationalize it as they live 2000 miles away from me so they don't get lots of attention from me.  I can say that I raised the oldest two for the first ten years so they are more like my children.  What I do for the older two, I do for the younger two.  When it comes down to it, I did it because I wanted to.  They didn't ask and they don't equate presents as a sign of how much someone loves them.  I just wish I was there when they receive them.  But I will see them in May.  

Old Age?

 My brother got up and headed out as I was getting dressed.  I looked at the clock and thought I better hurry. The market opens at 10.  Finished what I needed to do and hopped in the car and headed downtown.  Found a fabulous parking spot.  Walked around the corner and no market.  Wait...what?

I'm standing there for a second and then realized it was only Friday.  The market is open on the weekend.  Oy.  I don't know.  Got back in the car and headed for the grocery store.  At least I could still do that errand.  

I think I was just too excited.  I've been waiting for the market to reopen all year.  So I will go tomorrow.  

Trauma Responses

 We've been talking about trauma responses.  Personally I think we all have them because we have all suffered some form of trauma in our lives.  Even people who seem to have it all together.  I never really knew about trauma responses until I had to start dealing with some of the little man's issues.  That was a very big wake up call.

My own personal responses tend towards my passive/aggressive behaviors.  I have had them so long, I think they are just ingrained in my personality now and I doubt I'm ever going to change.  Sometimes though just being aware means changes happen.  

Early trauma seems to lead to a person not being able to ask for help.  Somehow their brain decided they could not trust anyone to help them or take care of them.  My little man had a lot of this and showed it at six years-old.  

This week I was involved with a young woman who has this response as an adult.  I wanted to do something very helpful.  She could not accept it.  When it was explained to me, I realized it was a trauma response.  My heart felt very sad.  She is beautiful, smart, motivated and thinks she has to do it all herself. It is not my fault that her family did not take care of her as they should have.  It is not her fault her family did not take care of her the way they should have.  But it is her reality.  

So we had to come at our dilemma at another angle.  We did manage to find a way to do what we thought was going to be a helpful thing, not just for today but for awhile and in many ways.  We found a way to not be disrespectful to her.  Afterall she is in control of her life and we are not.  And in the end she was happy we did it.

I think we need to talk more about trauma responses and what can be done.  I think we need to normalize talking about mental health issues.  PTSD, depression, anxiety, etc.  We all have trauma and we all have responses.  Maybe it wouldn't be so hard if we did more communicating.  

Cancel Culture

 So my relatives are posting all these memes about Dr. Seuss and his books.  The Dr. Seuss Enterprises has decided to no longer publish six of his books because of the racist way that some characters are portrayed.  Context says that when Dr. Seuss wrote his books this characterization was accepted.  To me, it is a little like that we do the best we can, and when we know better, we do better.  So obviously the Dr. Seuss Enterprises took a good hard look at the books and decided that we can do better.  We still have all the other beloved books.  I applaud them for taking a stand and following through.  

This is not a liberal or conservative issue.  Although my conservative relatives are definitely falling on the side that Biden and the liberals did this.  It's a people issue.  And we should not be reading books to our  children that show other people in a negative light just because of who they were born to.  If we want to negate the racism in our country we start with small steps and this is one of them.  There are so many children's book in the world, and some really good ones that help build a better vision for all, that we are not going to miss those six that will no longer be published. 

I did notice that Dr. Seuss books are now again taking over all the best seller lists.  People are buying his books in droves. Either because they are great fans of Dr. Seuss or because they are afraid of losing something in the process of change.  

Homeward Bound

 I've been in Indiana for 12 days.  It has been a great time with no big plans.  I've gotten lots of hugs and loves.  And now it is time to head home.  I like to think I have helped out a bit.  I've babysat little kids many mornings so Cassie could run errands and go to the gym.  I even took the little kids for a walk one day.  They are quicker than me.

My littles are sad that it is time for me to go home.  They understand I will be back in May, but it feels like a very long time for them.  For me, I'm ready to be home and sleep in my own bed.