Step-parents

 Two of my grandkids live in a household with a step-parent.  We applaud David all the time.  He stepped up and stepped in.  His love of his wife, his love of his two children that he had with her who are the siblings, all weigh in. When I brought up the possible transition to Cassie, she immediately was onboard.  But she did say she needed to have a conversation with David.  For him there was no question.  Even though it was going to be a major change in their life he stepped right up.  I totally understood him.  Been there, done that. 

We are going to go way back now.  In 1984 I had a conversation with my friend Charlie.  Charlie was my parents age, but he always treated me like an adult.  When he found out I was engaged he gave me a piece of advice.  He said run.  Dave had an ex-wife and two children from that marriage.  Charlie had also been down the road I was on.  And maybe he was on the road Dave was on.  I think I have told this story before...but I just looked at him like he was crazy.  I was in love and nothing was going to change the trajectory of our life.  

August came and we did get married.  It was Dave's plan that someday he would have his children live with him.  It wasn't planned for eleven months later, but that is when it happened.  I married a man with children and I stepped up and stepped in.  I loved those kids as my own.  I loved those kids because they were his and part of him.  We were a family.  Or so I thought.  Hindsight always reminds me of Charlie's advice.  

I was married to Dave for 29 years.  We were best friends almost from the day we met till the day he died.  Just before he died he apologized for the hell that was to come.  He did so with as much pain as he could possibly feel about it.  I think he saw something he did not expect and that was that we were not a family.  But by then there was nothing he could do to ward it off.  And so it was.  I was told how it was an injustice that Dave loved me.  It's not something that I can comprehend or understand where it came from.  It just was.  Dave never felt that way.  He was my rock.  

After he died I moved on.  I was raising the grandkids who were the children of our son.  It is hard to move on from things you don't understand.  But it still happens.  And today my grandkids are where they belong and I am finally in a role I was suppose to be in.  I count all four of Cassie's kids as my grandkids.  And I'm not a step relative to the extra two.  I'm not anything in a bloodline or a marriage line.  What I am is their Nana because I am the Nana to Mike's two.  I count David as part of my family because he counts all of the kids as his.  And I was him and I know what it is like.  

With my history and experiences I give David all of my support.  I hope the bond that has formed is strong enough to weather teenage angst, step-parent/parent issues and time.  I certainly never gave him advice.  Charlie was right...life would have been a lot easier to find a spouse who didn't come with baggage.  I think back and wonder if I would have done anything different.  I did not have to agree to a custody agreement and that would have made life easier.  Honestly though I don't think I would have done much different.  I did love his kids.  And now I love David and his kids.  I am the proud grandparent of four wonderful little people.  David and I have a bond.  My family grew a lot the day he decided to step up and step in.