Open Conversations

 Turns out Tanya died of an overdose.  Now this really came out of left field.  My understanding is they are still waiting on a toxicology report to see if it was accidental or intentional.  

I relayed the small bit of information to Mike.  His initial reaction is she didn't do drugs.  I explained that you can still overdose and not "do drugs".  We don't know what she overdosed on.  Could be over the counter stuff.  It could be she had an injury at some point and got pain pills legally.  She could have sleeping pills legally or the pills she takes for migraines.  Many many possibilities. 

In our world overdoses come from illegal drugs.  I'm pretty sure Mike has overdosed.  I have posted about the kid who overdosed on my driveway.  I remember back in the day that Cassie spent a couple different times in the ER because of it. 

Mike commented that he hoped she hadn't found a way to get fentanyl. The next thing was his usage in a sitting would kill her five times over.  That is sad, but realistic.  Mike and I don't often have open conversations about this stuff.  

Mike then told me about the last conversation he had with Tanya, and it wasn't pretty.  I've been on the other side of some of those conversations, so I can imagine.  I just looked at him and said "now you feel bad" and he agreed.  I left it there because anything I could say would just negate his feelings. Saying it the way I did showed him that I understood and did not judge.  He does feel bad and can now never fix that.  I'm sure wherever she is she knows that now.  

Tomorrow is never promised.  Life's curveballs can give us a door to open conversations.  Ten years ago, Mike and I would not have had the conversation we had.  But lately it has changed.  And this gave us an opening to connect a bit more on an honest level without hindrances.